all the unfinished

I don't like to wait!

My One Word for the year, waiting, has evolved into more than I ever expected. It has revealed more about my heart than I could have imagined, both good and bad.  I find myself waiting in so many different areas of my life and on so many different levels.  I am not even sure of all the complexities of it.

Does anyone like to wait?  And if we do have to wait, we certainly don't want the wait to be uncomfortable or painful.

Why do we think we should not experience pain, and think of it as our enemy?  Sometimes pain can be our friend...i know, but really it can.

I am learning a big thing.  I am learning to be okay in all the unfinished pieces of myself.  I am not saying growth and change is not needed, they are.  But facing myself and my heart in all it's truth as it is, knowing I am totally loved and accepted allows me the freedom to see and admit where those changes need to be made. And sometimes that involves pain.  Facing all the unmet desires and longings in my heart. Facing all the ways I have tried to get those met outside of the One who can meet them.  Facing how others have let me down time and time again.  Facing how I have injured others in my desire to get my needs met on my own.

 I know this, there will be more growth and healing.

And I know this,  it doesn't always look like I expect.

I kind of feel like I am being unraveled, and I don't always like what I am finding in the process. Let me clarify that. I am not always liking what I find about me, but I am loving what I am finding out about God!

I am learning to be patient in all that is unfinished in me.

I am learning to see me through the eyes of my God, who sees much better than I do, and loves me in all my imperfection and messiness.

I am asking God to grant me the grace to see others through His eyes too!

And bloggy friends, He loves you in all your unfinished!  In fact, He adores you! Yes He does!!!!

musings on waiting

i desire, yearn for forward movement...

in my life, in my relationships, in my dreams...

but in the midst of these desires i believe there is a deeper desire.

i want to be 

W O N D E R   S T R U C K

in the waiting i want to be wonder struck!

I am reading a book with just that title, written by Margaret Feinberg. Oh please read her books. They are like a breath of fresh air blowing through a stale room. 

Listen to this.  Margaret was on a hiking trip with several other people.  After a days hiking they had stopped to rest and have dinner. After they ate, Margaret wanted to know what everyone's personal hopes, dreams, and desires for the trip as a springboard for a time of prayer.  When her turn came she said, "This sounds strange, she apologized, but I'm praying for pixie dust". She continues to say, "I might as well have vacuumed all the air out of the room. While a few stared uncomfortable at me, more than a dozen eyes darted back and forth in an almost unanimous expression: what have we gotten ourselves into?" She continues, "More than anything, what I long for is our God, the One who bedazzled the heavens and razzle-dazzled the earth, to meet us in such a way during our time in Scotland that we find ourselves awestruck by his goodness and generosity, his provision and presence. I'm praying for pixie dust. I want to leave here with a sense of wonderment as we encounter and experience things only God can do."

A pastor on the trip said this, "Margaret, I think what you're asking for is something me and my boys pray for often. You're asking for the favor of God. We pray for God's favor both in good times and bad - that we'd sense the reality that we're one of God's children, one of God's favorites, and wait expectantly for what God will do." 

Yes, yes, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to be fully alive, present, expectant in the waiting!  I want to experience the wonder of God in new and fresh ways!  

I think what I really want is more of Him!  

if you want to read my beginning thoughts on my one word, waiting go here. for other follow the label 2013 word - waiting below.

waiting

i thought i would take Monday's to talk a little about my one word, waiting...even though today is Tuesday...see even you had to wait!  lol

i was in the dentist chair yesterday.  finally.  i had waited some time to get there.  it was one thing or another that kept me from the chair.  my dentist had a migraine...i had a migraine...dentist got the flu...i finally got in to do the prep work for a crown on a tooth that i had a root canal on several months ago.  the tooth had cracked and there is not enough left to crown.  so now i have to see an oral surgeon to have the tooth pulled, and have a bridge made.  CRAP!!  i go next week to have it pulled, then have to (you guessed it) wait for about 4 weeks for it to heal to begin the bridge work.

i see my word is in full swing!  i do expect it to reveal much in me and teach much this year.

and i waited at T J Maxx!

as i was driving to Barnes and Noble one morning this thought popped into my mind ...you need a new bag!!!  i need a new bag like a need another hemorrhoid. (that's another subject) but on the way to Barnes and Noble my car just turned into the parking lot of T J Maxx.  and i got out and went in...had to!!  even looked at all the new bags.  here is where i say, i'll just spend this much, no more. of course all the bags i loved were over that amount!!!  guess what word popped into my mind???  yep, waiting! i walked out of the store with the cute bag i already owned!!

i really want to watch what i buy this year.  i buy too many things that i don't need and have accumulated too much stuff.  i am trying to say to myself, enough is enough.

if you have chosen a word this year, i would love to know what it is, and would love to hear how you are living it during the year.

grace, peace, and love to you all!

2013 word

waiting...

my one word for 2013

this word has been percolating for some time now.  i wasn't sure it would be my word, or i wanted it to be my word. waiting, ugh...not a word that seems exciting - seems passive, less somehow than i want my life to be. i want a life full of passion, a life moving forward...waiting, are you sure Lord?

but the more it percolated, the more i thought and questioned, the more it appeared before me in many ways, both visually and in experience, i yielded to it.  

as i continued to look at this word, waiting, i journaled my thoughts and ideas and was surprised at how it fits. these are some of my thoughts...in part, not even completed thoughts at this point...just thoughts:

waiting for dreams to be realized

waiting for heart change, in me, in loved ones

no more instant gratification...wait

delay in what i want or think i want and don't need...wait

contentment in the waiting 

active living in the waiting

not in waiting for my life to be perfect...all my ducks in a row so to speak. not waiting for some obstacle in the way to move, or something to be gotten through first...and then i will live...live in the waiting, moving forward in the waiting...

but waiting, living in hope for what is to become...eternally and in the hear and now.

expectant 

hopeful

anticipating

active

open waiting

i read this: "waiting is not a test of patience as much as it is a test of my will. waiting is an active practice. so is surrender. waiting allows me to get my eyes off of where i want to go or where i believe God wants me to go and fix them on him. waiting prepares me for his lead. surrender prepares me to follow." ( My One Word, pg 159)  

In his book "My One Word", Mike Ashcraft says to watch your word morf. to watch for God to use it in ways you do not expect, and to watch how the meaning takes on new depth and grows, changes...

please get this book, it's so good!!

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I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,

the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.

I remember it all - oh, how well I remember - 

the feeling of hitting the bottom.

But there's one other thing I remember,

and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

GOD'S loyal love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I'm sticking with GOD (I say it over and over).

He's all I've got left.

GOD proves to be good to the man who passionately waited,

to the woman who diligently seeks.

It's a good thing to quietly hope,

quietly hope for help from GOD.

Lamentations 3:19-26, The Message

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Wait for the Lord,

be strong and let your heart take courage:

yes, wait for the Lord...

Psalm 27:14  

My One Word

The idea of choosing "one word" for the year has been going around for some years now.

I purchased this book by Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen a few weeks ago.  Mike began using one word in 2004.  He says, "In looking through the lens of a single chosen word, I found a new approach to personal change and spiritual formation - one that is doable, memorable, effective, and sticky.  The results have been greater than I expected."

In 2007 as pastor of Port City Community Church in Wilmington, NC, he challenge his church to ditch their New Year's resolutions and each pick a word to focus on that year.  He says he titled the series and the project "My One Word."

Mike says, "the concept of My One Word is simple.  Lose the long list of resolutions - all your sweeping promises to change - and do something about one thing this year instead of nothing about everything.  Choose just one word that represents what you most hope God will do in you, and focus on it for an entire year.  This single act will force clarity and concentrate your efforts.  As you focus on your word over an extended period of time, you position yourself for God to form your character at a deep sustainable level.  Growth and change will result."

I have chosen my one word for the past few years, and will do so again this year. This book will be a tremendous help in keeping me focused and looking at it with new eyes.

There is a My One Word webpage and facebook page to find out more and connect with others participating.

I will have more on the word I am choosing later.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.  Mine was lovely, though I have spent most of the last few weeks in my pajamas!!  I have had a terrible cold/virus, today finally feeling like I am on the upside.

I am also so pleased to tell you all that my work has been published in the current issues of Art Journaling  and Somerset Studio magazines.

Looking forward to catching up with all of you in the next few days.

Grace and peace!