"Once we clearly acknowledge the soul, we can learn to hear it's cries. - Dallas Willard, Renovation Of The Heart."

It takes courage to pursue our dreams. It takes time and patience to unearth buried treasure. But I believe with all my heart that we must do both.

9.30.2014

living...


The living of my life has changed, and I am not sure how to live it some days. There are days that the pain is too great.  Days that a migraine keeps me on the couch not able to do much of anything.  Or days that it's just too hard to move because of the pain.

I am not navigating this new "normal" very well these days. My weight is up. Some of it is excess
inflammation. Some due to just not eating very well. I find food has become a "comfort" for me in spite of the added pain it may cause. And frankly I am having a hard time saying no to a bit of comfort when life feels so shitty.

And I really hate that this is what I am blogging about. I don't want to be one of those people that only talk about how they are feeling...or how bad they are feeling. But this is what I am living right now.

I began a new journal. I am asking myself to not pull back from the hard questions. I am asking myself to be as honest with myself as I can be. (we can be good at keeping truth even from ourselves when we don't want to see it)

I am figuring out how to pace myself. To be gentle with myself, but not be lazy...which I am finding it easy to be in the pain. It's easy to just do nothing when one feels so bad. There are things I can be doing...maybe at a slower pace, but still doing.

Life is a gift not to be wasted. Life is a gift to be lived fully. Even if my fully looks different than someone else's fully, or even my previous fully.

Grace, peace and love to you my friends!







8 comments:

Ophelia Staton said...

Oh goodness Mary, your words are just making me so happy. Your journal pages make me so happy.

Bren Graham Thebeau said...

I hear you girl, learning to live in the curve of chronic pain that takes so much of our former life away, it's a soul trip not easy to navigate.

katooshie said...

Thank you for being open and real. I suffer from chronic lyme disease and I don't want to be one of those people who talks about how I feel, either! It's comforting just to hear someone else actually say these things. One thing that has helped me is adjusting my diet and eliminating all gluten from bread, pasta, etc! Hang in there, sister! :) Katooshie

Mary said...

thank you Katooshie, I too have Lyme. and yes I know staying gluten free, as well as dairy and sugar is a must. knowing and doing are two different things...this is my struggle...

I pray you are fairing well!

Kim Mailhot said...

Sending you strength and also gentleness towards your sweet self as you figure out this new, difficult part of your journey.
Light and love !

Bevie Sams said...

Sis I hear ya, it's not easy living with chronic pain, and the longer we do the more difficult it is to keep doing the things we know we have to do to eventually change it. You know my heart knows what you feel, and my prayers are with you continuously. I'm still feeling the results of too much getting up and down at Missy's wedding, and we sure did miss not having you and Greg there. I was pleasantly surprised to see Bill and Brenda, and Tom and Dottie...love you dear!!!

Sarah Anderson said...

Sorry to hear life has so much pain in it at the moment, but wow, your positivity shines through

obat pelangsing yang aman said...

just blogwalking.. nice post :D