"Once we clearly acknowledge the soul, we can learn to hear it's cries. - Dallas Willard, Renovation Of The Heart."

It takes courage to pursue our dreams. It takes time and patience to unearth buried treasure. But I believe with all my heart that we must do both.


choices & consequences

My house is a mess.  

The houses I live in.  

Both the structure and my body. 

My home is being painted, inside and out. 

We have had to pack up the rooms...imagine packing up my studio...and the kitchen...and the mud/laundry room!! 

When the painting is complete, the putting back together will be like moving in all over again.

Yes, it will be beautiful and purged and organized when all is done, but for now it is a mess.

I feel like the house my soul lives in, is in disorder as well.  

It is diseased (Lyme) full of inflammation and pain. And I am not caring for it as I should or could!

Especially these past two weeks during the painting. With the kitchen packed up we have had to eat every meal out or brought in.  And it has given me the excuse to eat, pardon my french, shit!!! Or should I say more shit, since I had not been eating great even before.

I kept a few paints and a journal from the packed stuff...always need to be able to paint a journal page or two. I worked on this one over the week. I really do wonder why I make the choices I do concerning my eating. Why do I continually choose to eat the things that will cause my body to hurt? I know from experience that when I eat healthy my body feels and looks better. Is it a lack of will power? Yes, but it's more than that. 

Life has been hard for a long time...eating things that taste good feels good in the moment. Am I really willing to give up the best I could be for a moment of pleasure?

Well, it seems I am!  

I am trying to understand my heart in this. It's a tricky thing, delving into the why behind it all.

It seems the house that my soul lives in needs some purging and re-organizing and some fresh paint.

And possibly my heart and soul...where the root of it all lies. 

So as I digest the chicken biscuit I had for breakfast I will continue to ask and answer these questions. And in asking the questions maybe I become a little more aware of each choice I make. 

There may be those of you out there that will just say, "Just stop eating the crap!" If it is that easy for you, count your blessings - thank your lucky stars - thank GOD!  But for many, this is a HUGE struggle!

I am not talking about being fat or thin here...yes, they go hand in hand, but I am talking about knowing in our heads what our bodies need to be healthy, and choosing the thing that does not because it tastes good, or is easier, or for some reason makes our heart feel better in the moment.  

What's for lunch???  


Emily said...

Hi Mary
I so hear you! I have had the last two weeks off and had planned to try and live my 'ideal life' - waking up early, exercise, cooking, being present... instead I have slept in, stared at the tv and eaten the same thing over and over because I cant be bothered!
I am hoping this is just a transitional period... ;D
Hope when you "move' back in your get your mojo back.

Montgomery Family said...

Mary, I'm with you, friend!! I love you and think you and your home are BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Hindsfeet said...

so helpful to not feel alone in this tonight....thank you my friend....

Sarah Anderson said...

I have those same questions over and over and over. My latest thing to try is thinking 'is this my best yes?' after seeing a book of that title. Saying 'yes' to that whole bar of chocolate is just waaaaay to easy, but is it a good yes? Occasionally yes, but not always.

But imagining the feeling of being back in your freshly painted and organised house - now that sounds fabulous!! What a wonderful thing to look forward to xx

Bren Graham Thebeau said...

Right there with you in the struggle!

Kim Mailhot said...

I know this struggle too. Some days, I just say "screw it, eating this feels good, the world is scary and sick and mixed up in so many ways, why not take small pleasures wherever they come from." Other days, I think "Take better care of this body and you will live longer to enjoy the beauties, the loving relationships, and the art making in life, and be able to do it in much more comfort than you can with this aching, struggling body you are in now". If only there were more days when the healthy voice won...not so far.
Here's to finding comfort and ease in things that are really good for us...
Sending love and nourishing thoughts your way ! ;)

Jennifer Richardson said...

I love the way you express your heart honest and real and so approachable....I really do love you, Mary:):):)
I don't know about you, but I make some bad choices about my ole body because I'm craving comfort....because life just hurts so bad just then and I want to remember a feeling. Food can take me there momentarily. Or at least I imagine it will. I always figure I'll hike back to reality as soon as I take a short break. Then reality is heavier than before:/

Thank God for grace and mercy and sweet fresh beginnings:) I think you're absolutely beautiful through and through and am so grateful for all you share.

Love to you in your travels, friend,

Bevie Sams said...

Hi sis, I love your latest journal pages, the colors are so beautiful! I've been thinking it would be good to start a new Journal...it's been way too long since I last did one. I will share photos of Missy's wedding so you can see, ok? love you dear, and miss you so much!!

Rosie said...

Mary, I'm with you all the way. Why do I eat sugar when I KNOW it will make me feel lousy? I don't know, this comfort eating thing is complicated isn't it? My heart goes out to you with all the upheaval that is going on, but at the same time see it as an opportunity to really slim down all kinds of junk and simplify your life at the same time? Hard work I know but SO worth it!

katooshie said...

Oh Mary, I forgot to mention that it's vital to STOP using all oil except coconut oil for your cooking. Lyme is an illness of the immune system. If you eat the wrong kinds of oils, your body can't manufacture healthy white blood cells to fight off the Lyme spirocetes! It is not a fast cure, but it's a very important step to start building up your immune system to conquer this illness, which you CAN! Do some research on coconut oil for lyme! Hugs and healing :) Katooshie

obat kencing manis said...

hi,, i like to visit this site,, have a nice day :)

LeeAnn@Encouragement Is Contagious said...

Oh I am so sorry about the pain of living with Lyme Disease Mary. Pain can knock us down so strongly and pushing through it takes so much strength and courage. You amaze me with the art and heart words you produce in spite of the pain you are in.

I too need to learn how to overcome wanting to eat to sooth myself rather than to eat what is best for my body and health. I've always thought..if I could overcome my food love addiction for soothing my soul that I would have a (((HUGE))) stronghold taken off my back and feel freedom like I've never felt before.

Keep on Keepin on anyway Mary!
Your bosom buddy,
Lee Ann