choices & consequences

My house is a mess.  

The houses I live in.  

Both the structure and my body. 

My home is being painted, inside and out. 

We have had to pack up the rooms...imagine packing up my studio...and the kitchen...and the mud/laundry room!! 

When the painting is complete, the putting back together will be like moving in all over again.

Yes, it will be beautiful and purged and organized when all is done, but for now it is a mess.

I feel like the house my soul lives in, is in disorder as well.  

It is diseased (Lyme) full of inflammation and pain. And I am not caring for it as I should or could!

Especially these past two weeks during the painting. With the kitchen packed up we have had to eat every meal out or brought in.  And it has given me the excuse to eat, pardon my french, shit!!! Or should I say more shit, since I had not been eating great even before.

I kept a few paints and a journal from the packed stuff...always need to be able to paint a journal page or two. I worked on this one over the week. I really do wonder why I make the choices I do concerning my eating. Why do I continually choose to eat the things that will cause my body to hurt? I know from experience that when I eat healthy my body feels and looks better. Is it a lack of will power? Yes, but it's more than that. 

Life has been hard for a long time...eating things that taste good feels good in the moment. Am I really willing to give up the best I could be for a moment of pleasure?

Well, it seems I am!  

I am trying to understand my heart in this. It's a tricky thing, delving into the why behind it all.

It seems the house that my soul lives in needs some purging and re-organizing and some fresh paint.

And possibly my heart and soul...where the root of it all lies. 

So as I digest the chicken biscuit I had for breakfast I will continue to ask and answer these questions. And in asking the questions maybe I become a little more aware of each choice I make. 

There may be those of you out there that will just say, "Just stop eating the crap!" If it is that easy for you, count your blessings - thank your lucky stars - thank GOD!  But for many, this is a HUGE struggle!

I am not talking about being fat or thin here...yes, they go hand in hand, but I am talking about knowing in our heads what our bodies need to be healthy, and choosing the thing that does not because it tastes good, or is easier, or for some reason makes our heart feel better in the moment.  

What's for lunch???