as i journeyed into my heart i realized i had a lot of unrealistic expectation about life and those who would love me. i came into my marriage a wounded child really. and i was looking for someone to fill the loneliness and alone-ness i had experienced so much of as a child. i have come to see that no one person, or thing (because we use things too) could ever fill the huge void in my heart.
i have learned that there is a Person bigger than all my hurts and one that could and would meet every hole in my heart, because HE made my heart, and made me for relationship with Him that i am able to open my hands and release those unrealistic expectations.
this is not pie in the sky stuff...or easy!! unlearning patterns one has lived in for 50 plus years is hard. but i have got to tell you it is worth the mess, and the pain of stripping away the protection that surrounds my heart.
i am still in the process, and i screw up big time...a lot! but that's okay, because the love offered me is not based on what i have done or am doing. the love that is offered me/us is unconditional, total and given freely. and because that love is such, i do not need to fear as i expose more of my heart to him.
the journal page, reaching deep for my heart is from my second journal. i can see a change beginning to take place. i began using more paint, and more color.
something was opening up in me.