I want to thank all of you for your well wishes and prayers. I am finally feeling more like myself.
I don't like what I see in me when I am sick. Really I just want to go to bed and sleep till I am over it or watch TV to pass the time. I don't like not feeling good. I have lived with my fair share of pain in the form of migraines, and body aches, but I realize I am a "baby" when it comes to being sick. I see I put life on hold till I am better. I realize I am not good at sucking it up and getting on with life. Now, I'm not being hard on myself, just seeing it for what it is.
But the thing that I hate the most is that I can put my relationship with God on hold till I feel better. I understand that reading while the room is spinning is really not possible, but my relationship is more than just reading his word or books about him. I don't ignore those around me when I am sick, (well not totally) and he is certainly as real and present as those around me if not more so. I can still speak to him and actively rest in him. Now I did say a few "prayers", Lord make this go away....but really, I could have done much better. I realize I wasted a lot of precious time kind of feeling sorry for myself.
Mary, how about praying for the rest of the people you know that are dealing with much more pain here. Well, actually no I can't thank you very much I am too busy feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes when things don't work out the way we plan our hearts show up and hit us smack in the face. And really it's not a bad thing to be shown where there is work to be done. Change to be made. Growth to take place.
So, I am not beating myself up here, really I am not. I know I am accepted and loved, but I also know I want a heart that is not so self-focused. I don't want to put my life on hold when I don't feel well. I want to use even that time well. I want to be God aware and God focused so much more than I am.