"Once we clearly acknowledge the soul, we can learn to hear it's cries. - Dallas Willard, Renovation Of The Heart."

It takes courage to pursue our dreams. It takes time and patience to unearth buried treasure. But I believe with all my heart that we must do both.

7.10.2014

forgotten


I had forgotten myself in the process of finding me...

There are so many ways of seeing. And you can find them all over the place with one click of a button. Websites, Blogs, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube...so much eye candy for our eyes to feast on. And I love to look at all at it all. And it can get confusing. I see so much wonderful art. I see something I like, and because I am not confident in myself as an artist or my own style I try to copy someone else's style. It's okay to try new things, take classes, and even add new things to you, but don't we need to be careful not to lose who we are too? I think I have done that. This morning I realized I had forgotten what I really liked. I had forgotten what felt good to my hands and heart as I created.  

I see "me" in these pages I created this morning. I see the messy-ness, spray paint, scribbles, words...I even see a few things I have picked up along my journey, but incorporated with my style.  

I wonder, will my style always look like this?  I wonder, doesn't our craft, art, grow and change along the way? I wonder, will I like this way of working next year, or month or even day?  And I am not sure I know the answers, but I know creating this morning felt different. I worked faster, I worked less worried about what the outcome would be. I worked without much thought at all really...just grabbed what was around me.  And then I wonder if I am copping out. Did I like this way of creating because it was comfortable to me? Sometimes it needs to be uncomfortable in order to grow. 

Here's the thing I do know. I can get overloaded with all that I see and I forget myself. I forgot why I began visual journaling and painting to begin with. It was to see my heart at a deeper level, a different angle. To peel back the layers and see what was hidden. Somehow creativity helps me to do that. 

You may be saying to yourself, woman, you are over-thinking all of this! And you may be right! lol  I tend to do that from time to time. I like to get to the why of things. And asking questions is a good way to do that. It's good to ask questions. Sometimes we don't ask enough. 

So here I am, with more questions than answers...but I believe the answers will come...at least the ones that matter.




13 comments:

jinxxxygirl said...

I hear you.......Its one of the main reasons i don't take classes.. i don't want my vision of ME to get 'cloudy'..I would rather just stumble along and figure things out on my own... Really its half the fun.... Love what you've made here. Hugs! deb

Bren Graham Thebeau said...

I think it can happen all to easily, and sometimes others 'see' our style more clearly than we do! So glad you've reconnected to the roots and heart of your expressions. Adding a technique is one thing, loosing our connection to our own art, nothing will grind you to a halt quicker. Love the new 'YOU' expressions :-)

Jennifer Richardson said...

oh Mary.
My heart thumps hard and yes
and free over each bold mark
and message you paint here....
THANK you.
-Jennifer

laurel said...

I love taking classes but it is hard sometimes not comparing my style to others especially since I have a few styles depending on the medium and mood. There is nothing like letting go and just having fun with your art, of not thinking about how someone else will view it and only caring that you like it. Love your pages and thanks for sharing your struggles. Hugs and see you Saturday.

cathy parmelee said...

gripping work! you are awesome!

Carolyn Bahr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carolyn Bahr said...

I love your 'font'! ;)~

Ophelia Staton said...

Oh Mary....you just amaze me!!!

Cecilia said...

Mary, I have this experience often, during my art-making sessions. To me, it feels as if I'm dancing with the Holy Spirit! For me, the creative process is one of several forms of prayer-meditation. I believe the gentle tug of the Spirit will lead you on your journey as you continue to explore new territories in art-making. I expect that your self-expression will naturally change and evolve as you grow as a person and an artist. I feel it's all organic and it's all connected.

Anita said...

I know...sometimes I create something and wonder if it was my idea or had I seen it somewhere? And that thing about needing the approval of others...getting a fix from somebody saying how special I am BECAUSE....fill in the blank. Oh, how I want to be set free from EXPECTATION and just let go and be the woman God created me to be with HIS approval and PERFECT LOVE & Acceptance being enough...As always, I love to see you working it out...and being so transparent and real

Sarah Anderson said...

I often have one of those same worries - that if it's comfortable is it any good, but then I saw a program about music and one of the artists - it was about how pop stars from the 60s and 70s were still going strong, against their expectations - said he never practised as he never needed to, he could just sing; it made me think that the times when we create and don't need to think are probably the most natural and 'me'. Glad you feel that about these pages, I love them too (especially the second one)

Rosie said...

Omigoodness Mary, you like Henri Nouwen too? His Wounded Healer is one of my favourites, but The Return of the Prodigal Son is one to take to a desert island ....

These are lovely pages - wonderfully free. Mine seem so tightly drawn and controlled and downright BUSY today.

angeljoy hippychick said...

I JUST this morning journaled in my morning pages about this! I realized that I search and research other's creativity for inspiration so much that I get so full of of them that there's no room for MY creativity to grow. I squelch my own creativity! Now, I'm exploring the WHY of that. Do I think I'm not original or imaginative enough to be an artist in my own right?