I can be so selfish and unloving - unlovely sometimes. Now, those around me would say, "No you're not"! (well maybe not all) :) But most only see the outside, the surface. Not what was going on on the inside. What is interesting to me is that I have discovered that in reality I am worse than I thought, but I am more okay with myself than before.
What changed? I am getting to really know God, and his heart towards me. I am finally getting the magnitude of his love for me - for all of us. Really getting to know deep down, how much we mean to him. He gave everything to make available what was lost. Charles Ringma says, "God's love seeks to bring about a full mending, healing and restoration."
When we take hold of the gift that God offers to all, that gift of new life, the gift of an awakened life, the gift of a new heart, our journey begins. Sometimes we get stuck there, we don't know how to live out of that new heart.
Sometimes it is hard to trust. Sometimes our hearts have been so wounded even trusting someone that is trustworthy is hard. I believe God understands this. He is patient with us on our journey of transformation.
I am learning that my new heart needs training. I need to take in truth, and throw out the false. One truth that I have come to believe with all my heart is this. I cannot do anything to make God love me less. So when I recognize that I have been selfish, or unloving, I don't have to hide. I am safe. I can take it to my Abba and ask for help.
What freedom. To stop hiding. To say I have issues. To say I don't have it all together. To say I am so far from perfect. To say I have so far to go. To say I am totally loved in my mess. To say God will not leave me in my mess. To say he is for my good (even when it doesn't look like it) To say I trust. Not perfectly, but better.
God offers, offered everything to make that love, and freedom available. It's yours for the taking.