"Once we clearly acknowledge the soul, we can learn to hear it's cries. - Dallas Willard, Renovation Of The Heart."

It takes courage to pursue our dreams. It takes time and patience to unearth buried treasure. But I believe with all my heart that we must do both.

1.25.2010

Abiding



Abiding -
await
remain in
lodge in
dwell in
sojourn
continue in

As I ponder my word for the year it is becoming clear God has a lot to say to me.
He is giving me clues and meaning to this word in ways I did not expect. I should not be surprised at this, but I am. I am stubborn and hard headed - hearted at times and sometimes it take me too long to see. I sometimes wonder if it is like God's people wandering in the wilderness. They were his, I am his, but because I choose my way so much of the time I don't see the blessings or the life he has for me.

Today's reading in "Listening to Your Life" by Frederick Buechner.

Shattering Revelation

"My mother's apartment by candlelight was haven and home and shelter from everything in the world that seemed dangerous and a threat to my peace. And my friend's broken voice on the phone was a voice calling me out into the dangerous world not simply for his sake, as I suddenly saw it, but also for my sake. The shattering revelation of that moment was that true peace, the high and bidding peace that passeth all understanding, is to be had not in retreat from the battle, but only in the thick of the battle. To journey for the sake of saving our own lives is little by little to cease to live in any sense that really matters, even to ourselves, because it is only by journeying for the world's sake - even when the world bores and sickens and scares you half to death - that little by little we start to come alive. It was not a conclusion that I came to in time. It was a conclusion from beyond time that came to me. God knows I have never been any good at following the road it pointed me to, but at least, by grace, I glimpsed the road and saw that it is the only one worth traveling."


The reason this spoke to me is that I have a tendency to cocoon myself. I love my home, I have made my home a sanctuary for myself - I thought I was making one for my family, but in truth it was more for myself. I did not have a very warm and inviting home as a child. I was not physically abused, but I was neglected. I was left alone, really to fend for myself from an early age. When I married I was determined to make a warm home for my husband and children. My regret is that for a big part of my life I focused more on the home than it's occupants. Like we all sometimes focus more on the outside than the inside of ourselves. Erecting this facade about us to the world, when we are dying on the inside.

For the past several years God has been tearing that facade down. He has been showing me my heart, showing me his heart. So I see that my "abiding" is going to include some stepping out, reaching out as well as up!

He is taking me on an adventure!

19 comments:

Diane said...

Great post, Mary!

Bevie said...

My precious sister I know the feelings you've had regarding the years after mom left. I sit here crying for some of the feeling was me leaving too...not because I wanted to, but because I was forced to. Still I remember that sweet little girl who was quiet..God has opened all those sad times to make you see abiding in HIM will take that pain away...actually I believe over the past year HE has...you have grown in his love so much...you are evolving into the Precious child/woman he wants you to be. What huge steps you've taken...My heart sees that growth!!!
love you sweetie..

Mary said...

Okay, I am sitting here crying here after reading your comment my dear sweet sister. First and formost, you take off your shoulders any and all feelings of responsibility!!! Not yours to shoulder you hear me!!!! :) And thank you for your encouragement. You are so dear to me!!

Katy said...

Mary, I have been thinking about asking you this, and now that I have read this post, I will: What book would you recommend for me to begin with in reading Buechner?

Wonderful post!

Denise said...

Such a great post, enjoy your journey dear.

Marsha said...

Don't you just love blogging Mary and Bevie? Words, healing words. Words of love and encouragement between 2 blood sisters and words of love and encouragement between sisters of faith.

You are a beautiful and warm person inside and out. I'm so thankful the Lord has us as blog friends and real life friends.

Abide dear one, abide. Crawl up on His lap and listen to His heart beat out your name in the rhythm of love.

Finally Free said...

Dear Mary,
First of all thank you so much for supporting and praying for me this weekend. It meant so much to me over the weekend when I was falling apart to have your comments in my mail box. :)

This is such a timely post for me, too. I too, can cocoon. I feel that God is handing me Dr. T's baton. What made him so great is that He always was thinking of how he could help others. When we would go out to lunch, he would always value the people. He made them laugh. He really saw people. He made them feel special. In the elevator, He saw people. He connected with them.
That excerpt is really deep. We come alive as we give what God has given us.
I want to be like Dr. T. I want to see and value people. I want to show them God's love and be sacrificial.

Thanks for sharing my friend,
Tammy

S. Etole said...

good thoughts and insights you have shared with us ... thank you

Diva Kreszl said...

thank you for sharing such a thought provoking post today, I too like to cocoon myself within the comfort of my home! I also consider myself guilty of spending too much time in the safety of my walls and of course provides me with the greatest growth when I dare to venture out of my comfort zone!

lori vliegen said...

ooooh, girl, i'm a cocooner too!! and i SO agree with your thoughts about "wandering".....i feel like i've traveled fifty miles to go a 500 yard distance. no wonder i'm so tired!! hugs, :))

thekathrynwheel said...

Your words are always so wise. And it is amazing to see the bond you have with your sister :-)
kate x

Coffee With Marty said...

What a great blog! I just found you, and I added your rss to my phone's reader. It is a pleasure to meet a fellow believer. You write very well, and I look forward to reading more!

WINDOWLAD said...

Dear Mary,

That was a great and moving words coming from you. I must admit, i don't read much of religious books yet there's one book i always love to read... it's Mr. Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life... I was stunned how this book changed my life in so many ways... i grew up in so many rejections... but i've learned to be positive... and now i'm thankful for co'z now i'm a better son of God than the last... Thanks for inspiring us!!!:)

God Bless!!!:)

>Kelvin

Dena E's Blog said...

Hello Mary this was a wondeful post , it sure got my attention. Thanks for popping by my blog again,,it brought me smiles. I finally added the new sketches,you may want to look as I have named one to be colored after YOU,just because of ,that's right, YOU. Its just a fun little drawing of a sweet girl. Anyhooo's the post you share with us are very welcomed and so true for how our walks with God should be on a daily basis besause in our busy days we could easily get off the path. Thansk for sharing your insights with us, you are a blessing!!!
Hugs Dena

Dena E's Blog said...

Mary, you have also touched my heart and your welcome,thanks for checking the new drawing,and there is also going to be one named after you as more of the now days version by that I mean not as a child. Wow am I not forming my thoughts very well into words.
heheheh, sound like me. Good Nite
Hugs and Prayers Dena

Sandy said...

Mary, you have a wonderful way with words (4w). I have enjoyed reading your thoughtful and insightful posts.

Just Be Real said...

Mary this post is very special to me. The words hit home. Thank you for sharing!

Erin Butson said...

Oh Mary. Thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability. For letting us see straight into your heart. It is such a light to me. Especially today. You are so frequently such a wonderful pointer back to our light.

I read this as I sit here cocooned up in my little house... feeling isolated, yet isolating myself even more... and then I blame the people I love the most for my own isolation... thank you for pouring your heart out and bringing us all back to the feet of Jesus. It is truly an adventure to "abide" in him and to wait "with eager expectation" as he reveals himself to us...

LeeAnn@Encouragement Is Contagious said...

Oh Mary, you and I really do have a lot in common! I too was neglected as a child. Although God changed all of that and gave me wings when I went to live with my wonderful grandparents. Mary I am amazed that you say you've isolated yourself in the past, because when I read your blog I don't see isolation at all. I see a beautiful and confident, warm and wise, talented and giving woman! (who I am so glad to call my friend) You sure have blessed my heart and encouraged me in more ways than you could know. Thank you Mary for being sooo real. I just love that about you.

Lee Ann