Where to begin with my ramblings, for that is what I feel I am doing most of the time. I ask myself often, more so lately, why I do this? Why do I post my art? What is the purpose? What am I looking for when I do so?? At this point, I have met so many lovely people that to not continue would be hard for me. I would miss feeling part of a special community, and miss seeing what you all are up to.
I have heard it said, that when you are a certain age, I'm 53, you are still 3 and 5 and 10 and 15 and 20............. you are still those ages inside. I believe this to be true. As we grow we learn, adapt to our surroundings, to what happens to us. We learn ways to live, to protect our little hearts that are necessary for our survival. We bring those way into our adulthood (what ever that is). Our growth can be stunted because of circumstances as well. God has been taking me on a journey for many years, but it is just in the last two that I have been awake for it. I feel as if I had sleepwalked through most of my life. Does anyone else ever feel that way?? I think I finally said to God I am ready to face what is really in my heart. To look at why I do what I do.
To look at the motives of my heart - which for the most part are full of self!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think we get to a point when being full of self just sucks!! I am not putting myself down here. I know I am totally loved and accepted (finally) by the one who really matters!!!!! And because of that I can look at all the junk in my trunk. To look at why I do what I do, why I am so unloving, why I am so self-focused, bla, bla, bla. Even when we are other focused, sometimes there is a payoff for doing so - sometimes that is self as well.
In his book "The Gift of Being Yourself", David Benner says, "The goal of the spiritual journey is the transformation of self - this requires knowing both our self and God." He also says, "Beneath the roles and masks lie a possibility of a self that is as unique as a snowflake." There is a real self under all the stuff I have piled on top of it - the stuff that I present to the world that I think will make me look good, valuable, to have worth. I already have worth - you already have worth.
I wasted so much time and energy - but God is slowly showing me my true heart. Sometimes it is not a pretty thing to see. But it is safe to look. I am deeply sinful, but deeply loved and in the process of being redeemed and restored.
Back to my beginning question. I think I do this for many reasons. To share my journey, to encourage those that are on a similar one - or may be on the verge of beginning there's. I think if I am honest I do this to receive as well. To receive encouragement (that you all do so well). Sometimes I wonder if it is easier to live open and honestly online that it is in person. I think that maybe it is, we only get little glimpses of each other here. But I believe it is a reflection of a larger picture of the person. I believe it is worthwhile. So with warts and all I continue.
May you all have a wonderful day,
Mary
15 comments:
I LOVE your ramblings and I think it's great that you share your art!!
Sometimes I feel like a small child who's looking for approval. Like a child who wants their latest coloring on someone's fridge and for that person to say, 'yeah! good job!' Silly, huh?
I feel that way sometimes, but I truly HOPE that by posting our artwork that we are sharing a little of ourselves and inspiring others. I know that I would be LOST without people, such as you, sharing their creative souls!!
♥Darla
beautiful post, mary! i echo everything that you've said...and i always admire your fresh, easy writing style! :)
First, I love the painting and words that is your header. Just wanted to say that. And yeah, isn't it hard sometimes to figure out exactly what it is you are doing with your blog? And that's a really cool thought that you could still be all those ages inside. This was just really interesting.
Dear Mary,
For your words echo mine..I am thankful for you and your post. Thank you for sharing your heart..
You are treasured in my heart.
Katelen
Wow Mary. I feel as though I could have written that post! I too am on a similar journey and still struggle with many issues but I am learning to feel comfortable with who I am in God. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts. x
Hi Mary, I enjoyed reading your post. May you have a blessed Sunday tomorrow. :)
Hi Mary, I enjoy your ramblings so much. I always feel the same way and you are such a great writer and just have that knack of getting it down just right.
I hope you are doing ok with your left hand with Calligra-Fun. Do you need a little personal lefty video? I will write out the alphabet with my left hand for you and send it. I also have a little Christian children's book that is published that I wrote 4 years ago. It's called, "Run for the Prize" I would love to send you one--just because I would love for you to read it. My email is marthalever@gmail.com
Thought provoking post. I do love the concept that at any age, we still have all our earlier ages within us! Seems obvious but I never really thought of it that way. Thanks for that!
Dearest Mary, thank you so much for visiting my blog and for your kind comments. First let me say that I have truly enjoyed reading your 'Ramblings' hehe and the bright and inspiring artwork! As for the chickens, they are only a bit of work if you purchase baby chicks. Then you must provide warmth (light bulb) protection and of course their meals served daily, hmmm that part sounds like my husband (jk). Once they have grown up you can let them roam free during the day and put them in the chicken coop at night for protection. They are the easiest of farm animals to care for, and they give so much in return. They eat bugs and table scraps, provide some of the best compost (chicken droppings) and of course eggs. You can get very attached to these little creatures as some are quite tame such as Rhode Island Reds and White Leghorns. They are a joy to watch and I think if you decide to raise them you won't regret it. Take care and keep those wonderful posts coming.
No roosters Mary, just hens so far hehe. I'm thinking about getting a rooster. I love the way they sound in the morning.
oh, are you thinking of getting chickens? i agree with all teresa said.
as regards "why do i do this?" ~ i decide to delete my blog (and stop "wasting" art supplies) on a fairly regular basis, but i always get over it.
we enjoy your ramblings and art, and don't you forget it :)
p.s.
seriously, the quotes and insights you share about our spiritual journey always make me think. and i admire you for your courage in sharing your heart.
Hi Mary, Yes that would be great to post a picture on your blog! So glad you like the book!
My dearest sister you have a wonderful way of expressing your heart, and the best is that you have the courage to share it with all that will listen...so thought provoking!! I keep telling you to write a book, but you know, I think God is using you right here to touch all of us who have struggles, but know know how to express themselves. I thank God for giving me the sister who would continue to encourage me to see where I've been and where I'm going...just think sis, when we get to Heaven we will be togther always!!! I love you and am so proud of you!!!
Brilliant post and i agree about the sharing of ourselves online, it remains to be seen if its wise or not but i believe in being me wherever that might be ... your blog is lovely
hugs June x
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