My heart is grieving. My sweet niece took her life last Friday. I arrived home yesterday afternoon from her memorial service. A wonderful friend of hers spoke of her. She said she had a beautiful heart, but her mind was troubled. Oh yes, she had a beautiful heart!!!! She spoke of the last time she saw her, all the encouraging things they spoke of.
As I woke up this morning an old journal entry came to my mind. I had done some reading about Vincent van Gogh. His last words were "The sadness will never go away". I thought that is what my sweet precious niece thought too. Our comfort is that her sadness has now ended. Her pain has now ended. And, we know where she is and with whom she is with. We know with complete assurance that she is with the Lord. We know she placed her trust, her heart in him.
The thing that still haunts me though, is the thought that she felt so very hopeless, so very alone, that there was no option for her. How I wish she would have turned to someone for the help she so desperately needed. How I wish that those of us that new she was in trouble, me included, had reached out more.
There is another quote by Vincent in my journal. "There maybe a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers by see only a wisp of smoke coming through the chimney, and go along their way". My words below say, Lord help me to have eyes to see the hurt, ears to hear below the surface chatter and a discerning heart. To not just pass by the wisps of smoke. I need to learn to really see that there is more. There is always more..................