"Once we clearly acknowledge the soul, we can learn to hear it's cries. - Dallas Willard, Renovation Of The Heart."

It takes courage to pursue our dreams. It takes time and patience to unearth buried treasure. But I believe with all my heart that we must do both.

1.30.2009

Seeing

My heart is grieving. My sweet niece took her life last Friday. I arrived home yesterday afternoon from her memorial service. A wonderful friend of hers spoke of her. She said she had a beautiful heart, but her mind was troubled. Oh yes, she had a beautiful heart!!!! She spoke of the last time she saw her, all the encouraging things they spoke of.

As I woke up this morning an old journal entry came to my mind. I had done some reading about Vincent van Gogh. His last words were "The sadness will never go away". I thought that is what my sweet precious niece thought too. Our comfort is that her sadness has now ended. Her pain has now ended. And, we know where she is and with whom she is with. We know with complete assurance that she is with the Lord. We know she placed her trust, her heart in him.

The thing that still haunts me though, is the thought that she felt so very hopeless, so very alone, that there was no option for her. How I wish she would have turned to someone for the help she so desperately needed. How I wish that those of us that new she was in trouble, me included, had reached out more.

There is another quote by Vincent in my journal. "There maybe a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers by see only a wisp of smoke coming through the chimney, and go along their way". My words below say, Lord help me to have eyes to see the hurt, ears to hear below the surface chatter and a discerning heart. To not just pass by the wisps of smoke. I need to learn to really see that there is more. There is always more..................

8 comments:

mystele said...

oh, mary...now i know where you've been. i've missed you. so very sorry that she went home in this way. thank you so much for those quotes and being a source of power and encouragement even in your sorrow. and please, remember to let go when it's time. ok?

Doda said...

So very sorry about your niece. May God give you HIS peace at this hard time.

Brandi said...

I know "Im sorry" can not erase the pain that you feel .. my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Bev said...

Sister, I keep running over and over in my minds eye all the wonderful times spent with Dawn when she was younger...she was truly a giving and loving niece, and will be missed so much...Knowing we will see her again gives me a sense of peace...(((Hugs)))

Karen Mowrey said...

Oh Mary, so hard for me to come up with words here. You are a remarkable women for sharing so eloquently and my heart goes out to you and your family at this time. I am very familiar with Van Gogh, in fact I have the song "Vincent" on my playlist. Don Mclean did a beautiful job on this. Are you familiar with it? There is a line, "this world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you" We have to have faith that our destiny is all part of a higher plan. The fire in your niece's soul is fueling a greater need now. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Marsha said...

Oh Mary, I'm so sorry for your families loss. There are no words to fill the void, but God is faithful to see you through this deep, dark valley.

I'm praying for you all.

n2theblue said...

may God give your family His peace, comfort, and healing in your devastating loss.

Teri Leigh said...

Oh Mary, I am so sorry to hear this news. I will say a prayer for your family.