new painting - entangled heart

It's funny how things look different in person.  I like it much better in person. Here it looks like it's a bit too busy, and the center looks a little crooked - I think that is due to my photo and cropping skills. Maybe if I outline the square it will define it better.

I painted this over a painting my precious sister began while visiting last year.  I don't remember what she used to make the tree design , and the swirly vine.  It reminds me of all the tendrils that can entangle the heart.

I'm gonna go take a nap and try to get rid of this headache.

Abiding Monday

I can be so selfish and unloving - unlovely sometimes. Now, those around me would say, "No you're not"! (well maybe not all) :) But most only see the outside, the surface.  Not what was going on on the inside.  What is interesting to me is that I have discovered that in reality I am worse than I thought, but I am more okay with myself than before.

What changed?  I am getting to really know God, and his heart towards me.  I am finally getting the magnitude of his love for me - for all of us.  Really getting to know deep down, how much we mean to him.  He gave everything to make available what was lost.  Charles Ringma says, "God's love seeks to bring about a full mending, healing and restoration."

When we take hold of the gift that God offers to all, that gift of new life, the gift of an awakened life, the gift of a new heart, our journey begins.  Sometimes we get stuck there, we don't know how to live out of that new heart.

Sometimes it is hard to trust. Sometimes our hearts have been so wounded even trusting someone that is trustworthy is hard.  I believe God understands this.  He is patient with us on our journey of transformation.

I am learning that my new heart needs training.  I need to take in truth, and throw out the false.  One truth that I have come to believe with all my heart is this.  I cannot do anything to make God love me less.  So when I recognize that I have been selfish, or unloving, I don't have to hide.  I am safe.  I can take it to my Abba and ask for help.

What freedom.  To stop hiding.  To say I have issues.  To say I don't have it all together.  To say I am so far from perfect.  To say I have so far to go.  To say I am totally loved in my mess.  To say God will not leave me in my mess.  To say he is for my good (even when it doesn't look like it)  To say I trust.  Not perfectly, but better.

God offers, offered everything to make that love, and freedom available.  It's yours for the taking.

Blessings!

Saturday samplings

I love this piece!  It has been seen in the studio, in the guest bedroom and now it resides in the living room. I think I like it best in the living room - for now.  Who knows where it might turn up next.  The wonderful moon was made by Suzan Buckner, the yellow flower painting by my talented daughter Megan, and the other wonderful painting on top was painted by Mystele.  

We get to celebrate another graduation today.  My son Seth graduated from college.

You think my cleaning is bothering Jack the cat???  :)

May you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Blessings!

organized - well a little

This is what my painted worktable looks like finished. I'm am a sucker for black masking tape and duct tape, so I used some to mask the little separation between the boards.  And threw in some on the side for good measure.  I think I will write on it.   

My studio is somewhat organized. There is more to do, but isn't there always more to do???

Do something fun today!!

Abiding Monday

I have read this excerpt from "The Seeking Heart" before, but with last weeks journaling about openness I read it with new eyes.


"The Vulnerable Ones - Strange agents of transformation"


Renewal, transformation, and healing can come to us in many ways and from many different sources.  The body can heal itself.  A secular university professor may, in fact, open a new thought and direction in our lives just as easily as a more "spiritual" source can.


While Christians believe that wholesome change can come through prayer, the sacraments, the hearing of the gospel, and the pastoral ministry of the church or their brothers and sisters in the faith, they also believe that blessings can and do come in many other ways. This is because they believe that God through the Spirit is wonderfully and mysteriously at work in the world.  God works through the church but also in and through the world. 


This makes the journey of faith a wonderfully open space. The Christian life has nothing to do with narrowing the arteries of one's inner being. Instead, the life of faith is opening one's heart to the God of surprises.


But this, of course, is more easily said than done. The surprises of God are often strange. And we may well be resistant to or completely miss seeing the good that comes our way. I remember, for instance, a work colleague who was stridently anti-religious. And yet, I realize now, he cared for me in many ways and challenged me regarding the way I as living my faith.


Nouwen has written about the way in which his care for Adam, a severely disabled person, became a ministry of receiving and not only of giving.  Nouwen writes, "[In] his weakness he [Adam] became a unique instrument of God's grace. He became a revelation of Christ among us"  He continues, "I am not saying that Adam was a second Jesus. But I am saying that because of the vulnerability of Jesus we can see Adam's extremely vulnerable life as a life of utmost spiritual significance." 


That God uses unlikely people for his purposes is everywhere writ large in the biblical story: Moses the murderer. Amos a mere orchard worker, Mary an impoverished maiden. Simon the political radical and disciple of Christ.


While we may want the experience of God's unmediated presence - and those moments may be there, and we may want God's Spirit to bless us in the sanctuary - and that may well occur, God also has other ways to renew and transform us. To do the gracious work of inner rehabilitation that draws us into greater conformity to Christ and the wholeness that this brings, God, ever at work in us and in the world, uses unlikely candidates.


Seldom are the instruments of God's goodness the powerful of this world. More frequently God uses the vulnerable ones of the earth. But always God uses only the humble, those who wait on God and who know that their hope and strength is in God alone.


All of this poses a great challenge to the present ethos of many of our churches, where Christians still see themselves as powerful in resources and having much to give. As a consequence, dependency on God is not a characteristic posture. Ours is the challenge of receptivity. To enter more fully into the life that God seeks to give, we require an openness that will enable us to move slowly enough and to be close enough to the Adams of this world who God may use to draw us into greater love and wholeness.  


From "The Seeking Heart, by Charles R. Ringma"


I am hearing, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN...................

big wild idea

This is my very large worktable.  It's just large pieces of birch wood set on top of metal saw horses. It was covered with oil cloth. Thinking of organizing my studio, again, I had this wild idea to paint it.

So I did!! Now I do know I should not spray indoors, but these babies are screwed into the saw horses.
I did not want to take the time to unscrew them and carry them outdoors. So, I just sprayed a little.
Well maybe more than a little, but I had every single ceiling fan on - which is every room!!!

You can see it in it's various stages.

I sprayed, painted, wrote, splattered.........

It was so much fun to stand on a chair and splatter!!!  My son walked in and check the floor!!  

What's a little paint splatter I said!!!!  :)

 

I am pleased with how it turned out!!  And I am not going to worry about the additional paint that it receives in the creating that will take place on it's surface.  That white space is not as void looking as I view it. I did add a little something more above it.  

Oh my gosh, was it fun working this big!!

Now to do the organizing I set out to do in the first place. Hope you are having a wonderful day!!

learning to pay attention

This is a photo I use often in my work.  It reminds me of me as a child.  Well, the dark hair and size of the child does.  The freedom, enjoyment and security I perceive from the picture not so much.  

But I am drawn to it over and over.

This is the journal spread I did last week.  

Remember this image happened by "accident"

This is the journal spread I did this week.

This does not happen all the time, but it has happened enough that I pay attention.  I have in the past added elements to a page with no particular reason in mind, to come back to them later and see meaning in them. Sometimes I can hear God's whispers of love to me through the images and words.  Okay, not audibly, but in my heart and spirit.  Maybe impressed upon me is a better phrase.  

These speak to me of freedom to continue on the road of openness, 

 being free to sing, 

 being secure and loved, 

 daring to live joyfully!

Even the word "releasing" above has "sing" in it.  

Does this happen to anyone else???  I would love to hear your stories.  I really think a lot of seeing, and healing comes from our journal pages.  Well it comes from God, through the pages.

Blessings!

(about the first photo - I found it somewhere on the internet but cannot remember where.  If you recognize it as your work and would prefer me to remove it please let me know.  I have only used in in my personal journal pages.)  

journaling life as it is

This spread in done in my planner/journal.  The prayer is from Ken Gire's book, "Windows of the Soul"  I printed it out on large sticky labels I got from the office supply store. 

This background is in the same journal.  I like having several backgrounds completed.  Then when I am out and about I have something to journal on.

"I Poo in Blue!"

This is my most precious grandson in my studio.  Have you seen the the youtube video about these diapers??

Oh my gosh, it cracked me up.  Of course we had to get him the diapers.

Here is the link if you want a laugh.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNAoCbG9Yz8

Hope you all are having a great day!!

Abiding Monday

Reading from "The Seeking Heart - A Journey with Henri Nouwen" by, Charles R. Ringma today.


Beyond Dualism
Where faith and world meet


"God is not a self-evident given, particularly not in a world of hunger, earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes, a world of Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot. Nor can one simply point to something and say "there is God."  This cannot even be done by pointing to a cathedral, synagogue, mosque, or temple.


Within the Christian tradition God and church are not one and the same. Nor is God's reign synonymous with the community of faith.  The church at best is a sign, servant, and sacrament of the Kingdom of God.


One of the first things one would have to say is that God is Wholly Other.  We are but creatures sculpted by God's hands of love and care.


But in the same breath one may also say that this God has entered the human fray.  In word and deed, in priest and prophet, and particularly in Christ, God has come among us.  Wholly Other, God is yet also wholly concerned.  Transcendent, yet incarnate, God the mysterious One is the God of self-disclosure and welcome.


But this also is not self-evident.  The belief that God is with us and among us and that God is at work in our world is always a confession of faith.  This confession can come only when by God's Spirit our hearts and minds have been opened to see and hear.


Henri Nouwen writes that the "contemplative life is a human response to the fundamental fact that the central things in life, although spiritually perceptible, remain invisible in large measure and can very easily be overlooked by the inattentive, busy, distracted person that each of us can so readily become."


This need not be the language of an older dualism where heaven and earth, spiritual and material, soul and body were seen in oppositional terms, with the one being greater than the other.  Rather, this may be the language that sees creation as God's good gift, the body as habitation for God's Spirit, and the world as charged with the grandeur of God.


This does not mean that the other world is wholly present in this one. If that were the case nature would be fully healed and the evils of humanity would be absorbed and transformed by God's purging love that makes all things new and whole.


The final tension lies neither between heaven and earth, nor between body and soul, nor between the spiritual and the material.  It lies between faith and non-faith, between obedience to the ways of God and persistence in our own waywardness.


The tension is not between Spirit and world, it is the worldliness of the world at loggerheads with the gospel of the Kingdom of God, which speaks of forgiveness, healing, reconciliation and peacemaking, and wholeness.


Dancing this gospel into the world means that love not violence, prayer not coercion, forgiveness not retaliation, hospitality not exclusion, healing not harming become the footprints of our daily existence.  Thus one may say God is among us.  The other world is already present.  But the old world persists.


But when we march to a tune that brings fear rather than hope, and death rather than life, then conversion is called for, repentance becomes necessary, and transformation is needed.  For then we emulate the old world rather than being the heralds of the new world that God is calling into being."

Our world is not as it was meant to be.  There is so much hurt, sadness, wrong, even evil.  Changing it requires us as individuals to change.  I know from personal experience I do not have what it takes for lasting, real change to take place in my heart. Sheer willpower does not accomplish it.

I am embarrassed, sad, grieved to say that I live far too much of my life trying to get my own way, looking out for number one, focused on my wants, my needs, my desires.

Dying to ones self is so very hard.

God's love transforms, purges, makes all things new. Yes, only through him (thank you Lord) but I cannot just sit and expect him to do the work without any work on my part. Usually it's hard work, it's a struggle, like a tug of war at times. Dying is not easy. But my way of doing life does not work.

Sometimes this splendid adventure is hard, but I get glimpses of his way of life and it's beautiful.

Doing life

 

Here are a few more backgrounds in my journal/planner book.

We were away for the past couple of days for Meg's college orientation.  Meg was busy scheduling her classes, getting her dorm room, id taken, parking decal.......all the things that come with college life.  I could   tell she was nervous, and unsure of herself.  I have a feeling there were several there feeling the same way, but of course she was thinking she was the only one.  After Thursday's evening session the kids were able to get together.  She slept in the dorm while we were at a local hotel.  When we arrived Friday morning she had a different outlook.  I am so thankful she is now really excited!!!  

We got home last night, it's not too long of a drive, but driving up one day and coming back the next makes it seem long.  I have my journal group this morning.  I will try to take some pictures.  These ladies are doing an amazing job!!

Planner - Journal

I got tired of carrying around a calendar/planner and my journal.  Plus I don't like most day planners you can buy.  Not visual or funky enough for me. I decided to make my own.  I have done this in the past with a three ring binder, but it was too bulky and I did not use it for long.  I will give this a try and see how it works.  The monthly pages are in the front, which leaves many pages for notes, journaling, doodling, whatever I want. I have painted and sprayed several backgrounds ready to use.  Here are just a couple of months - my favorites so far.

I wanted to tell you about this page.  I saw a this on Less Herger's site comfortableshoesstudio.com

You fill the page with writing, across, then sideways, repeat several times and use a different color each time.  Then cover with gesso.  Makes for a cool background.  I decided to put color over mine.  I was in the process of using a stencil and some previous dried black paint came off.  I tried scraping - obviously a bit too hard and the top layer of paper started coming off.  So I decided to pull away the loose paper. 

I DID NOT GUIDE IT!!

This is what it did on it 's own. I was blown away!!!  I was kind of having a blue/sad day.  Don't know why, they just happen sometimes.  This made me sit up a bit and think about all the good things I have in my life that I take for granted.  And even though some things are not as I would have them in my life I do not see the entire picture.  I used the verse on the page earlier in the evening to encourage a friend.  It also spoke to me. 

This idea of not seeing clearly has been a theme of late with me.  Guess I should pay attention. 

a little something

painted, sprayed, dripped, stenciled......

cigar boxes

fun, fun, fun,

did I mention fun?

!!! HAPPY 4th OF JULY !!!

30 Journals 30 Days

Hop on over to Connie's place and check out her 30 Journals 30 Days project.  For the month of July, she will be posting an interview with an art journaler.  She has graciously included me in the mix.  My interview will be posted on Wednesday, July 14th.  I am so excited to be a part of this.