okay, now it's finished!

Have you ever kept looking at a painting and you just knew it was not finished? That's how I felt every time I looked at this. I think I realized it needed more layers. Even though you cover stuff up that you may like, you cannot get the result you want without the layers. You can't fake layers.

So, I added words, more paint, more drips and splats.

I am pleased!

Abiding Monday

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breath and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19)

This was Paul's prayer for the Ephesians, it's his prayer for all believers.

He prayed this for those who already believed - therefore Christ was already dwelling in their hearts, they were already filled with the fullness of God.

So why did he pray this for them?

This was part of yesterdays sermon.

Our pastor started out saying, "We should seek profound experiences of the love of God."

Okay, if you are a believer you know that we don't live our lives based on "experience" alone, or on our "feelings" alone, because they are not always the best source of wisdom.

But - if we don't ever experience the love of God, the presence of God, experience, not just knowing we are missing out on so much.

There is a difference in knowing and a knowing (experience)

"The engaged mind, illuminated by truth, awakens awareness; the engaged heart, affected by love, awakens passion. May I say once more - this essential energy of the soul is not an ecstatic trance, high emotion or a sanguine stance toward life: It is a fierce longing for God, an unyielding resolve to live in and out of our belovedness." Brennan Manning - Author Abba's Child

I loved this sermon, for it is what happened to me in 2007. There was a shift from just knowing to a knowing.

This is not to say I will live, or you will live with "experience" every day, every minute. But we are to seek - not the experience - but God. There will certainly be "dark nights" in our journey (see Psalm 88) but in those times we have faith that God is still with us.

This piece was found in the pocket of Hudson Taylor (missionary to China 19th century) when he passed away.

"Lord Jesus make Thyself to me
A living, bright reality;
More present to faith's vision keen
Than any outward object seen;
More near, more intimately nigh
Than even the sweetest earthly tie."

Blessings!

Under His Wings

I painted this for a friend.

It's titled "Under His Wings"

"He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find
refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler"
Psalm 91:4

I know in scripture when speaking of God's wings they are usually eagles wings but my friend wanted a butterfly, and butterflies represent to me new life, change, what we experience on our journey. And I just felt led to use this scripture with it.

I have been experimenting with this messy graffiti style. I just love it!

Alisa Burke's work has so inspired me. Her blog offers so much inspiration, so many ideas, and tutorials. I was browsing her blog and came across a calendar tutorial she did in January. The two previous heart panels were made after viewing it, as well as this one. I like the single element in the middle of all the busyness.

A big thank you to Alisa for her inspiration and sharing so much with all of us.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday!

Prom Pictures

Beautiful!
Memories in the making!

New Stencils

I was playing with some new stencils from Tulip's fashion graffiti line. I like them a lot, but I would like to find some bigger ones with the same look.

I like seeing a photo of my work - I can see where it may need a little something. I think both of these need a little something more. Maybe drips through the heart. I painted the center of the heart stencil thinking it needed a bit more color and in doing so covered up the drips made by the stencil. And I think the bottom painting needs a bit more on the top left side.

Naaaah, didn't like the drips in the heart!!! :)

Abiding Monday

Sometimes my journey gets weary. I feel as if I struggle with the same ole sh - crap over and over again. When will I change!!!!!

Then I remind myself that as hard as I try I cannot change myself. I can be disciplined for a period of time, and it looks like I might just be able to do it, but it never lasts!!

There has to be an inner change before there is lasting outward change!!

Here is another expert from "The Seeking Heart, A Journey with Henri Nouwen" by Charles R. Ringma. I would encourage you to pick up a copy. It's not a long book, and the chapters are short.

Compulsions-Transforming our inner motivations

The journey of transformation into the image and likeness of Christ is never a call for change that has to do only with spiritual activities such as prayer and meditation. The transformation that Scripture has in view is a full-orbed one. It is a transformation that has all of a person in view: the personal and the social, the inward and the outward, the spiritual and the political.

Some do not see this integral perspective. They hold that the following of Christ has primarily to do with the afterlife. Others see their relationship with Christ primarily in terms of developing inner virtues. Others again see Christian discipleship within the frame of the work for peace and justice.

But growth in Christ and walking in the way of Christ involves all of this and more. No human activity is excluded from God's concern. No part of our lives is out of bounds for the renewing and transformation work of the Spirit, including our genetic and social shaping and configuration.

While one may speak about a certain predisposition in terms of who we are physically, emotionally, intellectually, there is no suggestion that the human being is simply a predetermined and programmed. Change and growth are possible. And the gracious renewing work of God in our lives can bring about a shift in our motivations and orientation.

This is not to suggest that this happens overnight or comes prepackaged with our conversion. It is a process. God's healing grace is for all the areas in our lives where we have become wounded and things have become skewed and even twisted.

Henri Nouwen confesses: "I know too well how hard it is to live without being needed, being wanted, being asked, being known, being admired, being praised." And I can add: I know how easy it is for me to be functional rather than relational, overdoing things rather than balancing activity with Sabbath, activity-centered rather than prayerful, self-protective rather than vulnerable.

So there are things in us that need to change. Conversion and coming to faith are not the end but merely the beginnings of this transformational process. And these called-for changes in our way of thinking and doing won't come easily as scattered seed from the sower's hand.

The changes that will reorient our inner compulsions that spring so often from our wounded self, come by way of purgation and painful transformations. Inner change involves self-confrontation, disarmament, relinquishment, and the journey toward wholeness. On this road there are no shortcuts and certainly no quick fixes.

God's renewing work is not to do violence to us but to heal us and make us whole. This is the strong but gentle work of God. This is purging the darkness and healing the wounded places.

None of us can escape this sculpting of God's Spirit within our lives. We may long be oblivious to our own needs. We may long resist the gracious healing hand of God. But finally we do need to yield ourselves into the hands of the One who made all things and seeks to make us whole.

So I trust. Trust that though I do not always see the changes taking place, I know God is continually working in my heart.

Blessings and may what Jesus Christ gives freely be deeply and personally yours my friends.

Transformation

This is my first painting - where my painting journey began.

Though I had been a believer in Christ for many many years, I believe he began a new work in my heart. A deeper work. It's like I began to wake up from a life where I was not fully awake, not fully present. I believe that though I new God, I did not have an intimate relationship with him. I was not fully trusting. I did not know how. He is teaching me little by little. The verse on the painting was one that touched my heart and became what I was living.

"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes" (2Samuel 22:25)msg

He knew my heart inside and out. I did not. When I began looking, really looking, and experienced his acceptance, not rejection at all the ugly stuff, it freed me to continue to look, and to ask Him to work in my heart.

I felt safe.

I feel safe.

I wanted to share another excerpt from "The Seeking Heart" by Charles R. Ringma

Habitation, God's transformational presence

The beginnings of spiritual inner transformation are wrapped in mystery. We will never be able to unwrap the dynamics of the beginnings of the seeking and longing heart and the way in which God moves toward us in the embrace of love.

But that an awakening occurs, that a meeting takes place, that faith buds, that an awareness of God's presence begins to permeate one's being, there can be no doubt.

I can still remember with immediate clarity the power and significance of the realization that receiving Christ meant that he was making his home with me. The beginnings of inner change are the beginnings of presence, God with us.

Henri Nouwen speaks much the same language, but places it in the unfolding of the story of salvation in the scriptural drama. He writes, "At first God was the God for us, our protector and shield. Then, when Jesus sent his Spirit, God was revealed to us as the God within us, our breath and heartbeat."

The beginnings of inner transformation may well lie beyond our initial willing and doing. God is gently and mysteriously at work in people's lives and well before they become aware of the birthing that may soon take place. But inner renewal does call forth our response. And the beginning of that response is usually a gnawing sense of need.

This sense of need varies. For some, the search for God comes from a profound sense of aloneness. For others, the search for significance and purpose finds its starting point in the embrace of living God's way in the world. For others, a sense of guilt and shame drives them to look for God's redemptive presence. And for others again, a sense of powerlessness drives them to seek the God who liberates and empowers his people.

It does not matter what is the conscious need, for our needs are always greater than our awareness of them. What matters is that the seeking heart and the seeking God meet.

There are no limitations as to how and where this meeting may occur. For some this may be a gentle unfolding and awakening. For others this meeting may be a dramatic encounter, where one experiences a radical reorientation. And in all the settings of life, not simply the sanctuary, God is a God who seeks us out.

This meeting is neither a chance meeting nor a temporary encounter. God does not come simply to say hello. God comes to stay.

The beginnings of a spiritual inner transformation have to do with habitation. God in Christ through the Holy Spirit invites us to make our home with the Trinity. And the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit make their home within our being.

Inner transformation requires a long journey of faithful companionship and care. And that is what God offers us, a covenant faithfulness that is strong enough to cope with our changing sensibilities.

While some would like the inner transformation to be complete in one act of conversion, change does not come that easily. The movement of change is not simply from something that is undesirable. It more particularly is a change to something that is desirable. And that is conformity to God's ways. For this only the long journey will do.

Charles Ringma said, "The beginnings of inner transformation may well lie beyond our initial willing and doing. God is gently and mysteriously at work in people's lives well before they become aware of the birthing that may soon take place. But inner renewal does call forth our response."

Are you feeling any of the longings, desires, needs, stirrings he mentioned?? There is a God who is trustworthy, who loves unconditionally, who accepts you were and how you are at the moment.

Blessings to you all on this beautiful Sunday.
"May what Jesus Christ gives freely be deeply and personally yours my friends, Oh, yes!"

WIP

I want to thank all of you for the good and safe travels wishes. It was a great trip. I think Campbellsville University is on the top of Meg's list. She was accepted at three. We still have one to look at next week, and she will have to make a decision quickly, but at this point it looks to be Campbellsville. It is in the middle of the little quaint town of Campbellsville, KY. The campus is small, which is what Meg wanted. We were greeted with an amazing warmth from all we spoke to, and it is one of the cleanest colleges I have seen!!! :)

I also wanted to show you two paintings I am working on. The smaller one could be finished, but I feel it needs something.

The second definitely needs something, but can't think of anything yet. I could do another heart with wings variation.....I have learned to let things sit for a bit if I cannot think of anything at the moment.

Hope you all are having a good weekend.

A short road trip

Here are a few new journal backgrounds.

This afternoon we are driving to Kentucky to visit Campbellsville University. Meg has been accepted there and we are looking at the school and campus. It's a 6 hour drive so I will have a chance to work on these some more in the car.

Meg is my third and last child to leave the nest. I thought it would be a bit easier, but the closer we get to her leaving I'm thinking I might have been wrong about that!!

See ya when we get back!!

Abiding Monday

This excerpt is from "The Seeking Heart, A Journey with Henri Nouwen, by Charles R. Ringma


Without Hope, the cry of doubt

"While we may begin the journey of life with a gentle idealism, it is usually not too long before the sobering, and even wounding, experiences begin to sculpt a different perspective of life for us. Part of growing up is becoming "bloodied" in the process.

For many this sobering process is helpful and healthy. One cannot live well cocooned in naivete. Hence the bruising experiences of life bring strength. And our woundedness may become a gateway for faith leading to homecoming and healing.

But this picture may not be a good indication of what happens to others. The difficulties of life can bring in their wake questions of doubt and the experience of hopelessness. For some, these become religious questions that throw serious doubt on God's sovereignty and goodness in the face of personal tragedy and the ongoing madness of violence and war in our world. For others, the questions of doubt are shafted home: It must be my fault, my life in jinxed. And this so often leads to self-doubt and self-pity. There are people who live with the general dread that their life is somehow "cursed."

But possibly for most, the experience of both the goodness as well as the difficulties of life lead to the building of walls around us. And that wall may have deep fortifications within what was once a tender heart and soul. Here the way of the heart has become constricted. Defensiveness and hardness begin to dominate the inner soulscape.

We have all met hard and ruthless people, people seemingly without conscience and without the milk of human kindness. It is easy to see this in other. It is much harder to see it within ourselves, especially when this hardness spreads like a slow-growing cancer within the fabric of our being.

So, while many of us may not completely shut the gate, most of us do close down certain parts of our inner house. Henri Nouwen puts it as follows: "You hold fast to what is familiar, even if you aren't proud of it. You find yourself saying: 'That's just how it is with me. I would like to be different, but it can't be now. That's just the way it is.'"

The icy fingers of doubt and resignation have gripped the human heart. And so one lives without openness regarding a future for these matters. One has shut down.

To have doubt is one thing, but to be without hope is another. To have shut the door is a further step, abut cracks can appear in solid walls. Then sometimes trees spring up in the most barren and rocky terrain.

The beginnings of a turnaround usually do not start with some magic solution but with the cry of doubt. To pray a prayer of hopelessness is the beginning of prayer. And to start with acknowledging one's hardness is the beginning of hope.

The problem in the life of faith and prayer is not so much what we cry out to the heavens but that we don't cry out at all. The cry, whatever it may be, is an expression of life, while a sullen silence the rigor of death."


The tearing down of walls can be a scary and painful thing. But life on the other side of the wall is so much better. I get glimpses of it, and I want more.

Blessings!

simple pleasures

discovering
seeing something old
new again
through the eyes of a child
wonderful

My precious grandson and daughter Maymay as Sean calls her.
Love it!!

Abiding Monday

It seems the longer I live this life, I find the people of this world have more in common than not.

This excerpt if from the devotional "surrendering hunger"

Progress I Don't Understand

Five of you will chase a hundred, and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you. (Leviticus 26:8)

As difficult as dealing with an eating problem can be, there are small improvements that I can't explain.

I struggle so long with chocolate and turn down one candy bar and suddenly all kinds of food have less appeal for me. I focus on quieting my voice with my children and it seems hopeless, but then I find I'm less frustrated with my co-workers. I progress when I'm not looking, and I can't explain why.

That's the beauty of it. With God, five soldiers can defeat one hundred soldiers. If I could explain it, I would claim I won in my own strength and feel proud, then I would fall. This way, I can only report my progress to my friends and celebrate with them. These small moments of grace become inside jokes with God.

Work in me, using your mysterious paths, God, and I promise to cooperate.

God's ways are mysterious, and that's OK.

I read this and said, oh my gosh, YES!!!!

Come

"Ours has become a strange and contradictory world. We are constantly promised much, but much eludes us. We are bombarded with messages of rest, relaxation, and the ultimate vacation, but we are working harder than ever, and our inner world knows more of turmoil than peace."

"Most of us know the cry for rest."

"But rest is not enough. It is not simply a matter of some more hours of sleep. A deeper rest is called for - an inner rest. We need the rest of God's grace and acceptance. We need the rest of surrender where we hand to God our fears and worries and the things we cannot control or change."

"We need the rest of being forgiven and forgiving. We need the rest of embrace where we know ourselves to be safe and secure in the goodness of God, in the wideness of his mercy, and in the comfort of the Spirit." (from The Seeking Heart, by Charles R. Ringma)

We need Jesus!

The rest and forgiveness we so desperately need and desire is available.

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? (or life) Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11: 28-30, The Message)

Come!

May you all have a Blessed Easter!