Being Yourself

I was going to say good morning, but my Dad would have said, "ing" the morn is gone out of morning. I woke up with a terrible headache, so I am getting a slow start. Such is life at times.

Yesterday morning I was looking back through my journal. I came upon an entry from last February. At the time I was reading a book titled, "The Gift of Being Yourself" by David G. Benner. I have read several books by him and they are all very insightful. He quotes Basil Pennington and Thomas Merton.

"The core of the false self is the belief that my value depends on what I have, what I can do and what others think of me." -Basil Pennington

"Thomas Merton describes this as winding experiences around myself....like bandages in order to make myself perceptible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something invisible covered its surface."

As women especially, though I know it is true for men as well, we can get so concerned with the outside appearance of ourselves, others, and things that we forget that the true person lies underneath, inside. How much effort do we spend on cultivating that outside face instead of our hearts??? Do I want to look good? Yes! Do I want to have good and growing relationships? Yes! Do I want beauty around me? Yes! (I am a very visual person) Do I want others to think well of me??? Oh yes!!! But I am praying that this coming year is a year of going deeper with God. That I concentrate more on my heart, my motives, the real me. And to not be afraid that she will be good enough, because I have been made "good enough" accepted as I am because of Jesus Christ. But though I am accepted as I am, I am not left here. God continues to pursue me and change me little by little into my real self. What an adventure life is. Not always comfortable to be sure, but it can be rich and good.

Wishing you all many blessings in the New Year!!!

A Simpler Christmas

I live in a 160 year old house. I love all the crooked window frames, the small gaps in the pine walls, and floors, even though it lets in some cold air. The old glass still in some of the windows. The worn old floors, the eleven food ceilings, the many fireplaces in the house. When I found it about six and a half years ago, I knew it was the house of my dreams!!! There are some very old and large trees left that are wonderful in every season. It is a very peaceful place, except for the various loud dogs that neighbors have!!!!! I have a couple, but of course they are very well behaved!!!! :) The first year at Christmas I decorated a tree that more or less fit the time when the house was built. I decorated very primitive, with most things old, muted in color. My daughter, then 10, did not like it very much. This year things are different. Well, they began to change last year. After God started doing some changing in my heart. Now I love old things, and for those of you who decorate in the primitive style and love it, keep at it. For me I think there was an underlying reason for it. My childhood home was not very warm, or loving. I think as I grew I was drawn to the "old" because to me it spoke of home, family, all those things that I yearned for. I loved to watch "Little House on the Prairie", and "The Walton's ". Again, because of the love they had for each other and the feeling of "home". So when I got married and had children I tried to create that "feeling" of love, of safety, of home. As I am learning to accept the love God has for me in my heart and not just my head, the need for that is fading. And, I am being drawn to a new way of looking at things. I still love old things, but I am loving mixing it with new, shiny things, with more of a free child's heart. I am drawn to brighter colors and lot of them!!!!! So, this Christmas there are lots of colorful ornaments on the tree, bowls of glass ornaments sitting around. You will find an old Santa or two, but not as many as before. And I am not decorating as much this year. A few things here and there, feeling the need to simplify here too.
Blessings!

Re-connecting

Good morning. I need to re-connect. Since Thanksgiving I have been busy with getting the house decorated, gifts purchased, all the stuff I do at Christmas time. This morning I sat down for first time in a while for some quiet, reflecting time. Too long since the last. I wrote in my journal, "I have noticed that when I am feeling aimless, not grounded, or something that I really can't pinpoint, I have not taken the time to spend with my ABBA. I realized I have disconnected from the very source of my life. I asked myself, why do I allow it
when I know He is my very life source!!!!! Then I picked up Ken Gire's book again, "Seeing What is Sacred". I just love when God meets me right where I am. Back to the soil/seed parable. What makes the seed sprout and grow? Without it, the seed will stay just a seed. Water. "What the water is to the seed, the Spirit of God is to the Word of God. When the two come together in the human heart, a miracle happens. The seed springs to life". The seed can lay there for years, I know this. I grind my own wheat to bake bread. Grain that has been found in Egyptian tombs planted in moist soil will sprout. When I am disconnected, and don't take the time to listen, hear, receive, my soul begins to become aimless. In his book The Pursuit of God, A. W. Tozer describes how the Holy Spirit germinates the Word of God in our hearts, then grows it, first the blade, then the ear, then the full ear. "It is important that we get still to wait on God. And it is best that we get alone, preferable with our Bible outspread before us. Then if we will we may draw near to God and begin to hear Him speak to us in our hearts." When I do not take the time to be still, my heart suffers. From Ken, "When I detach from the object of my love I am left with actions that only resemble love...." The scripture that came to mind was, "I am the vine and your are the branches.....apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) At least I can now "see" that when I am disconnected from my source there are consquences, and the "detachment" time grows less and less. My prayer for this season is that eventually I do not have those periods. But, I know that when they happens my Abba is waiting for me to return to Him, he does not move, and His love for me does not diminish. I am as loved and accepted as I have been from the start. But I only experience it when I am actively connected. Why do I so easily give that up I wonder???? My prayer for you is that you will take the time to slow down, especially this season as we approach the birth of Jesus Christ, and experience Him in a fresh way.
Blessings to you all!